How to Find Love in a Bottle

Yes, you can find love in a bottle. And no, it’s not in a wine, spirits or beer bottle. Nor is it a magic potion. But keep reading, this might just change your life.

So where is this bottle of love? Believe it or not, you can find in on the shelves of most grocery stores (and no ladies, it is not a bottle of silky, raw, organic chocolate).

It’s a simple bottle of oil.  Well not just any oil. We’ll take organic ideally, either coconut, sesame, sweet almond, avocado or sunflower.

And how do we find love with this bottle of oil? By rubbing it all over our bodies on a regular basis!

Self oil massage is an Ayurvedic practice that has changed my life. 

It has so many benefits but the greatest for me is that it’s helped me practice self love.  And if you don’t know this little secret about self love, practicing it means that it starts to overflow in all other areas of your life.

The more I’m connected to love and caring for myself, the more my heart is open and loving to the people around me and I fall in love with the work I’m doing.

According to Ayurveda, oil holds the same energy as love, and love is the vibration of consciousness coming into form. So every time we rub oil on our bodies it become a gesture of love.

Daily Dose of Love 

I used to slap lotion all over my body just to keep my skin moisturised, but when my Ayurvedic teacher taught me the practice oil massage, explained about the quality of love in oil and the shit contained in most lotions, my whole relationship to moisturising my skin changed.

Firstly, I only use oil on my skin now (read why below) and every morning or anytime I moisturise my skin I’m aware of this energy of love in the oil (even if just as an idea) and as I put it on I feel grateful to my skin and body. It puts me in a mindset of appreciation and acceptance rather than self criticism.

It’s become a ritual that changed how I look at myself. It makes me stop, even if just for a moment, and take note of how I feel. I might give my neck and shoulders a little extra rub, or my feet or hands if they feel sore. It doesn’t have to be a huge ritual, and just this little bit of self care can change my day.

Oil is also grounding and has the qualities of connection and cohesion. When I feel scattered, lonely, exhausted, overwhelmed or my heart feels a bit achy, taking some time to do a little oil massage is like putting myself back together.

It can be a lifesaver when you’re going through big things like breakups, moves, job changes, sickness, ect.

This can be a great time to set more time aside to and make oil massage a longer ritual where you really take time with yourself. Release the stress accumulated in your tissue, improve your circulation of blood and lymph, nourish your soul with lots of love and self acceptance and allow the nervous system to wind down.

Lotions and Creams are Crap 

Secondly, our skin is our largest organ and is a permeable membrane. Anything we put on it soaks in and penetrates our bodies. Ayurveda looks at the skin as ingesting the substances place on it, and for that reason says we should only put food grade quality stuff on our skin. Next time you grab a cream to rub on, ask yourself it you’d eat it?

Lotions and creams are a combination of oil and water plus emulsifiers to keep the two from separating. Because of that they don’t really nourish and feed the skin, but just coat it so it doesn’t feel so dry.

Many of them also contain fragrances and other toxic chemicals that can damage, clog or dry the skin. What did people put on their skin before these relatively new products existed? Natural oils!

For my face I use rose hip oil. It doesn’t leave you skin feeling greasy at all and it reduces the wrinkles that come from dehydration and sun exposure. I prefer sweet almond oil for my body on a regular basis because it’s lighter, and coconut when I really need nourishment and deep moister.

Simple Rules for Self Massage

1. Listen to your intuition and just massage wherever you’re body is asking for it.
2. Massage your feet if you don’t have time for your whole body. Reflexology has mapped the entire body on the feet so you’re still giving whole body love.
3. Do long strokes on long bones, circular strokes around joints.
4. Stroke moving from periphery toward heart to stimulate lymph and circulation.
5. Do it somewhere warm, and use towels that you don’t mind getting oily.
6. Be careful of slipping if you do it in the shower, and pore hot vinegar water down your drain every so often to avoid build up of oily film in pipes.

Benefits of Self Oil Massage 

• Nourishes mind and body, grounding, connecting

• Rejuvenates the whole body, including the skin

• Increases longevity

• Delays aging

• Relives fatigue

• Builds stamina

• Promotes deeper sleep

• Enhances complexion and luster of skin.

• Enhances circulation and detoxification

• Releases stress

• Awakens the senses

• Recovers muscle fatigue

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• Supports digestion, corrects blood pressure, and supports organ communication

• Shifts the attitude into positivity

• Teaches self-love + self-care

Curiosity, an Act of Self Love?

 

“Curiosity is an act of self love.” Whoa! 

I was listening to an interview by Geneen Roth, author of “Women, Food and God” and this statement just rolled off her tongue like it was the most apparent thing ever. 

But for me, in that moment, those words hit me light a lightening bolt. I felt like a cartoon character with bulging eyes and almost jumped up and said, “Eureka!” 

Along my journey of figuring out how to live a content, joyous and healthy life, I’ve again and again come back to two big things. 

No matter if the topic is food and diet, relationships and communication, fitness and yoga practice or business and purpose in life — there seems to be a re-occurring theme. It’s almost like the universe is singing her answers to me in a little mantra. 

I ask, “What should I do with my life?”

She answers, “Self reflect, self love.” 

I cry, “My relationship is falling apart, what should I do?”

She answers, “Self reflect, self love.” 

I tell her, “I totally F*#^ed this one up! I’m lost, desperate, shamed.”

She answers, “Self reflect, self love.” 

I say to her, “My body is sick and I don’t understand why.” 

She answers, “Self reflect, self love.” 

OK, ok, I get it. Self reflect, self love.  

Self reflect. 

And so I do my practice. Sometimes is hard. It’s hard to self reflect, to look inward and see what’s there, when what’s there feels dark and uncomfortable. My throat tightens and the fear of facing a thousand writhing monsters that live in the dark places grips me. 

But I do my practice. I breath. I move. I close my eyes, and simply FEEL it all. It’s harder and takes more courage than any epic warrior sequence or crazy upside down balancing posture. This is the yoga that requires my true warrior energy. 

The Yoga Sutras calls this Svadyaya, self study, and lists it as one of five (meaning it’s pretty important) of the personal practices we need to cultivate for health and enlightenment.  

It’s harder still to stick to it. 

To keep looking, keep being curious and keep breathing when the practice of self reflection starts to get uncomfortable. 

A part of me desperately wants to wait and see what’s there and what will happen if I just relax into the sensations and feelings of observing.  

But, another part of me screams, “Save yourself, run away!” convinced that looking at the dark side will break me. Or worse, become me. 

And there in lies the basis of all of my fears — the belief that I am or can become defined by the uncomfortable mistake, terrible experience, sickness, broken heart, confusion, ect. 

The ironic thing is that when we fear looking at the hard stuff because we don’t want it to consume us, the running away from it ends up controlling us. 

We become like bouncy balls ping ponging around a room. Each time we hit a wall we don’t want to look at we go flying in the opposite direction ad infinitum. Our path becomes determined and controlled by our desire to run away.

I’m fiercely independent, and seeing how running away controls me, motivates me to stop and face those walls. 

So I’ll self reflect, but I’m not going to like what I see or love myself for it. 

I tell myself, “Ok Morgan, I’ll look at that ugly wall. Maybe I just need to admit that this is part of me and I’m ugly, just give in to it.” 

At this point a fascinating thing always happens. I look. I see the ugliness — the pain, the shame, the fear, the anger. I stop the ball bouncing and flying, in other words, I stop my mind spinning me out into stories around this thing. I just see it. 

So many sensations come up in my body, in my throat and heart and belly, and in a way it does break me — breaks me out of the cage of stories I had trapped myself in. 

The minute I really stop and simply observe, the self criticism, worry, judgements and projecting also stop — in it’s places comes a sigh (or sob) of self acceptance. And it is the biggest and most wonderful relief ever! 

Self love. 

This is what Roth meant when she said curiosity is an act of self love. When we truly approach ourselves and our lives with curiosity we step into the observer mind, like a child, not judging and criticising, just wondering and watching. 

All of the wisdom traditions of the world teach us the importance of observing objectively and gazing inward, either through meditation, prayer, chanting, ritual or service. And all of them teach this as a path to liberation, or God, which to me are one in the same. 

Every time I stop the stories I’m reminded of who I was before the story. The innocent child born into this world full of light, peace and purity. And every time I remember that self it feels like coming home. It feels like safety and happiness. And I cry out of relief and joy, just like I always have the feeling of crying when I see my mom after being gone for too long. 

I’m reminded that this is not a game of changing who I am, but of coming back to who I’ve always been, and that it never was and never will be those monsters I make up in my head. And then I feel strong.