How I went from fast food junky to yoga lifestyle freak

I’ve been hard on myself this week about not eating the way that makes me feel best, which is clean, fresh, non-processed food and in moderation. But I also know that beating myself up about eating is just as unhealthy as any unhealthy food. So, to get out of this headspace I did one of the exercises I do with my students in the Yoga Detoxes and 30 Day Yoga Evolution. This exercise gets us to look at where we’ve been, what’s shifted and appreciate that growth happens on a trajectory, not over night.

And wow, there have been some massive shifts in how I live my life! In the past year alone I’ve refined my lifestyle so much. But I looked further back and watched the unfolding of my journey with health until I came to an image of myself as a teenager, over weight, eating fast food alone in my car, feeling depressed and knowing deep in my bones that the American dream was more like a nightmare.

Take a snap shot back in my life. I am 17, a sophomore in high school, have just been diagnosed with an autoimmune disorder that is totally screwing with my hormones. I don’t yet realize this is part of why I feel lethargic, anxious, depressed and have suddenly gone from being a lithe ballerina to gaining 20 lbs in less than a year. Emotionally overwhelmed by it all and crushed to see my body out growing my leotards, I quit dancing. Something I’ve been doing since I was five. Something that always made me feel free and light and express whatever I was feeling without having to say it.

So here I am, suddenly not moving my body as I was used to, not expressing my emotions through movement, all the while trying to cope with the typical teenage shit.

At the same time a big shift in public school funding swept the nation. As government spending on public education plummeted and the schools become more desperate, big cooperations like CocaCola and Pepsi saw an opportunity: sponsor entire schools.

My school ended up with a Pepsi sponsorship, which meant they received money in exchange for plastering every notice board, sports complex and school banner with Pepsi logos. It also meant that our school cafeteria was now operated by Pepsi and their affiliates (Taco Bell, Pizza Hut etc.) and school lunch turned into fast food.

We could eat off campus, which most of us did frequently, but where did we go? To any one of the ten fast food joints within three blocks of our high school of course. God bless America.

Not only where Pepsi logo’s strew through our school, but we were lucky enough to have soda dispensers in EVERY corridor. The coins left over from lunch were enough to get an afternoon caffein and sugar kick to pull us out of the greasy fast food lunch stupor. Which of course wore off by the time we got home and were meant to do our homework, so we cracked another can of high fructose corn syrup and buzzed the night away, finishing assignments or watching MTV until 2am and then having a hellish time getting up the next morning.

This was the typical American teenage pattern, and sadly, still is. In the US adolescent obesity has more than quadrupled in the last 30 years and reports of teenage anxiety and depression have doubled. Australian statistics aren’t far behind.

I was slotting in quite well with these statistics, and nobody seemed to say, “Hey, this isn’t normal! You don’t have to wake up every morning anxious or depressed. All that high fructose corn syrup is making you gain weight and have mood swings. Go back to moving your body and eating simple foods that your mom made!”

I consumed enough Good Times Burgers in those few years to last me a lifetime (if not more). We all did, and the sad truth is that many of my peers still do. This is how our schools and culture taught us to nourish ourselves, and many of us have grown from being overly caffeinated poorly nourished teens to overly caffeinated poorly nourished adults. But now, as adults the repercussions are starting to show.

My autoimmune disorder only exacerbated the problem, and in many ways I’m grateful because it made me realize something was indeed wrong and investigate early on in my life what that was. I wanted to know why my body was attacking itself. Was it something I was doing, or thinking or feeling? Was it something I was eating or experiencing? Was it my society? Was it in the water or in the air?

I wanted to understand what was going on, and as I asked these questions I began to see the answer was ‘yes’ to all of them. 

In my first year of Uni I learned more about environmental degradation. My ears perked hearing about the levels of hormones and antibiotics fed to dairy cows and studies linking these  livestock practices to endocrine disorders. I stopped eating meat and fast food, started dancing again and low and behold began feeling a little better. I was still eating too much processed food, drinking too much and way too stressed out trying to over achieve with studies, work and writing for the school paper.

I knew the issue was more than just food and environmental contamination. I couldn’t clearly articulate it then but after my first year of Uni I knew I was simply learning how to perpetuate the cycle of the “rat race.” So I quit and went off to New Mexico to get a diploma in Massage Therapy.

At 19 years old the world of yoga, energy healing and body-mind psychology blew me open into a whole new exploration of what leads to health and disease, and how all aspects of our lives influence our state of health and wellbeing. I learned so much about body, mind, spirit health at that time and it propelled me into a lifelong exploration of this topic.

It’s been 13 years since and I’ve made hug changes in how I live, eat, move and think, but it didn’t happen over night. It’s been a process of small and continuous shifting that’s got me back to feeling like I did before my body attacked itself. Yoga has taught me how to look within, and sit with the injured, ugly or dead side of myself and culture, breath through the discomfort of looking at it and listen to the inner guidance on how to heal. And damn, it’s not always easy, but each time I come out the other end I know it’s worth it.

I can tell you that learning is one thing but actually applying it to life is another. I’ve been through so many highs and lows with personal health, two steps forward and one step back, but when I look at the big picture every year I get healthier and happier. And this is why I love the yoga lifestyle. This is how life should be and I thank my lucky stars for having people in my life who finally did say, “Hey, don’t believe what they say about getting older. You don’t have to wake up feeling like shit and get fat. You can feel happy and at peace. You can improve your health every year, life only get’s better if you simply do the work on yourself.”

 

 

Self-harming Yogis

When I hear the words “self harming” I think of teenage girls cutting themselves or monks and religious fanatics practicing castigation. I picture extreme cases of physical self mutilation or deprivation. But recently in my reflections about the first moral precept of yoga, ahimsa, or non-violence, I’ve begun to see a different picture of self harming that may be even more frightening than the extreme cases. 

Ahimsa is often translated as “non-violence,” but in the yoga tradition implies so much more than simply abstaining from violence. It means to approach all things with an attitude of non-harming, compassion, kindness and love.

In the 30 Day Yoga Evolution this week we’ve been reflecting on how to practice non-violence in our lives, and one thing quickly becomes very clear about this practice; when we don’t have an attitude of non-harm, compassion and kindness towards ourselves it’s nearly impossible to have this attitude toward others.

When I think about when I’ve been my worst to the people around me (over demanding of my partner or over critical of my mother), I also see those are the times in my life when I’ve been most critical and hard on myself.

It’s not just negative self talk that is an act of self-harming, but it’s also how we take care of ourselves. When I jam one more thing into my day and ignore my signs of fatigue or eat something I know will deplete my body or have one drink too many, I’m harming my body. And overly tired, hung over or malnourished people don’t tend to be poster children for non-violence, compassion and love!

At the end of the day, practicing non-violence has to start with ourselves. 

The opposite of self-harm is self-care and self-love. Sadly, so many of us see self-care practices as luxuries and even feel guilty for doing stuff like getting a massage or taking time out for ourselves.

But if we stop and look at the big picture we can see that these acts of self care ripple out to our loved one, community and society. All we have to do to see this is think about the costs to our lives of not taking care of ourselves.

Firstly, there is a cost to how we feel, our energy levels and creativity. When we’re over taxed and tired we don’t function optimally, and as a result our work suffers, our relationships suffer and our health suffers.

Not only does this effect our individual lives and the lives of our loved ones, but if we stop to think about how much the nation spends on healthcare to treat lifestyle diseases we see that self care (or lack there of) has a massive impact on our society.

WebMD estimates that 75 to 90 percent of all doctor’s office visits are for stress-related ailments and complaints such as headaches, high blood pressure, heart problems, diabetes, skin conditions, asthma, arthritis, depression, and anxiety.

So how can we take care of ourselves better? 

Firstly, remind yourself of the greater costs of neglecting this healthcare practice, and stop feeling guilty about relaxing and pampering yourself.

Second, make it a priority and actually schedule some acts of self care into your calendar. Literally write it down like you would an appointment with your doctor.

Third, listen to what your body is telling you it needs. We so often over-ride the indicators of fatigue by having another coffee, or we respond to them in a way that isn’t really self care. Like having a glass of wine at the end of the day to release physical and mental tension rather than doing some stretches or taking a bath. Ultimately, the wine will just dehydrate our tissues more, disturb our sleep and keep us in a cycle of self-harming.

More Ideas for Self-care

• Long walks to clear the mind, move the body and have some “you time.”
• Take a bath, add some epsom salts to nourish your muscles and read a great novel to nourish your soul.
• Foot massage is a great thing to do at the end of the day before you hop in bed.
• Yoga stretches get you out of your head (and stress) and into your body and relaxation.
• Legs up the wall is especially good for people on their feet all day and also boosts the immune system.
• Pack a healthy lunch to avoid the pitfall of eating low quality food simply because that’s whats around.
• Meditate for even 5 minutes in your day to re-boot your energy levels and give the old gray matter a break.
• Listen to a Yoga Nidra as a way to improve sleep, clarity of mind or simply take a break. It’s been shown that 15 minutes of mediation or yoga nidra is equivalent to one hour of sleep.
• Massage both professionally or giving yourself a massage improves circulation, muscle tension, mood and refines our ability to listen to what our body needs.

One of my favorite daily self care practices is self oil massage after my morning shower. Not only does it make my skin really nice, but according to Ayurveda oil holds the quality of love, so I feel like it’s an act of appreciation for my body. This has helped me so much with my issues of self criticism and body image. What is one of your favorite self-care practices?

5 Ways to Get Closer to Yourself

by Morgan Webert

When I look back at the nearly 15 years of yoga practice I’ve done and think about how and why it’s impacted my life, I see that behind every positive change and transformation has been the process of getting to know myself better.

I had a friend this week mention she’d love to see what she would have turned out like without following a yoga path, and how different she might be. We speculated on how much of our growth came from our yoga practice and how much was just a natural result of maturity.

We don’t have a special time machine to find out, but when I look at my life and my peers or friends I went to school with I see some clear themes. Some people seem comfortable with who and how they express themselves in the world, be it as a lawyer, IT expert, chef, artist, surfer bum, mom etc, and others who seem “trapped” or “stuck” in their lives.

To no surprise there’s a health correlation; people comfortable in their expression of life often are healthier than those who seem trapped. And, whether they’ve stepped foot on a yoga mat before or not, the people who are comfortable with how they express themselves in life also share in common a strong sense of self.

I personally have been stuck, lost, insecure and unhealthy in my life so many times it’s not even funny (just ask my mother). And, aside from having an amazing mother to talk to, my yoga practice continually gave me a format to look at myself and my situation from a bigger perspective, and from that perspective find my path out of confusion and into clarity.

The truth is, it still does. Confusion, or avidya as it’s called in Sanskrit, is just part of the human condition, and yoga is a practice because we face the same issues again and again. Svadhyaya, self study, is one of the principle yogic practices that guide us out of confusion.

“Sva means ‘self’ or ‘belonging to me.’ Adhyaya means ‘inquiry’ or ‘examination’; literally, ‘to get closer to something.’ Svadhyaya therefor means to get closer to yourself, that is, to study yourself. All learning, all reflection, all contact that helps you to learn more about yourself is Svadhyay.” T.K.V. Desikachar said that.

The stronger I get in my practice the less stressed I feel by this confusion because I’ve learned (and am still learning) to trust in the process of self reflection guiding me to a place of balance and harmony.

Desikachar goes on to say, “Svadhyaya is the process of gradually finding out where we are, who we are, what we are and so forth. Our asana (yoga posture) practice begins with precisely these questions. We take the first step by observing the breath and body. We do this over and over again, hoping that we will with time develop a deeper understanding of ourselves and our current state. In this way we also learn to recognize what our next steps will be.”

Below are five simple ways to practice Svadhyaya, get closer to yourself, and tune into what your next step toward happiness and harmony will be.

1. Get into your body and out of your brain.

The “self” is so much more than the gray matter between your ears. Moving the body taps us into the information of our whole being and can get us out of a mental rut that’s getting us nowhere. Yoga classes, running, sports, dance or anything movement gets us feeling our body is a practice of self study.

2. Ask yourself, “What have I learned today and how can I use that wisdom tomorrow.”

This is a practice my Ayurvedic teach Cate Stillman taught me. I now have this question tacked to my wall next to my bed. Simply reflecting at the end of the day keeps us connected to our wisdom and intuition, and is a simple way to observe our actions and their implications.

3. Close your eyes and meditate.

There’s no better way to see ourselves than simply stopping and watching. Essentially, that’s what meditation is. While the focus can be directed at any number of things depending on the style of meditation, ultimately the practice is self reflection. We’re likely to see all of our neurosis and shadows but if we watch long enough we see our connection to purity, peace and source energy below all that. Seeing this connection is what keeps people sitting on their cushions day after day, even when they know the demons may pop up in the process.

4. Eat a meal alone, in silence, without any devices or distractions.

I eat alone a lot, but not really. I’ll check my phone, open my computer, grab a magazine or write down things I need to do while I eat. Meanwhile I’m shoveling in food without tasting it, not chewing enough and totally disconnecting with how I’m creating this form I live in. To get to know our health issues better we have to start with how we eat. According to Ayurveda all disease starts with poor digestion, and such an important part of digestion is the mindset we have while consuming. I’ve had huge insights into my health problems from slowing down and paying attention to my eating, and I’ve also had great insightful moments during these slow meals.

5. Take a long walk by yourself (without your phone!).

Remember, the world is a mirror. Walking through it and paying attention to all the details can be like walking through one of those multi-mirrored fun houses. Sometimes the reflection is distorted and not so pretty, other times you can see infinity. Either way, it’s all you.

What are your favorites ways to self reflect?

Lifestyles to Die For

I was recently telling someone about my background getting a degree in Environmental Science and they commented, “Wow, now you’re doing something completely different.” But, I don’t see it that way. The deeper I go down my path as a wellness provider through yoga, bodywork and lifestyle coaching the more I relate to my environmentalist background; rather than working to clean up external ecosystems I’m working to clean up internal ecosystems. And it’s just as socially, culturally and globally revolutionary as other environmentalist work.

According to a landmark global study by The Lancet Group, lifestyle diseases like heart disease, diabetes and cancer are now the leading cause of death and disability globally. The study shows that since the 1970’s men and women worldwide are living longer but they also spend more years living with injury and illness caused by bad lifestyle choices like drinking, smoking, poor nutrition and too much stress.

In both Australia and America lifestyle disease is the leading cause of death – with heart disease begin the most prevalent, followed by cancer.

So why are we choosing lifestyles that kill us?!? And what motivates us to choose a lifestyle of heath?

I don’t have the answer but I’m on a mission to try and find it. So far on this mission I’m realizing that everything starts from within and from our deepest beliefs about ourselves and the world. My meditation teacher gave a great analogy about the process of calming the mind: you can train a dog to sit next to you, but it will still be full of energy wanting to run around, or you can give the dog a bone and it will happily sit next to you and chew the bone.

Forced external rules on how to live tend to make us feel like a dog trapped on a leash, and while we might be abstaining from unhealthy habits, there’s always a part of us that wants to break the leash and run after those things we’re abstaining from. I don’t consider this healthy, and I’ll go as far as saying it can even create stress…which is one of the leading causes of heart disease and other physical and psychological diseases.

So what’s the bone we can give ourselves to keep us sitting happily next to health? 

I think the bone of satisfaction and motivation is a strong positive self identity. In yoga we do this with the practice of Sankalpas. Yoga teaches us to recognize that we already have and are everything we could need or want, we must simple clear what’s covering up that light within.

A Sankalpa is a positive affirmation like, “I am healthy.” The practice is to repeat this daily. The more you chew on this identity, the more you not only believe it, but also act based on it. You start to live up to that identity effortlessly simply because it feel right.

According to habit change research people stick to identity-based goals far more than to performance-based goals. Habit change expert James Clear says, “The key to building lasting habits is focusing on creating a new identity first. Your current behaviors are simply a reflection of your current identity. What you do now is a mirror image of the type of person you believe that you are (either consciously or subconsciously).”

This Sunday I’ll be leading a 5 week journey with a group of people ready to uncover the light within, reinforce and deeply ingrain a positive self identity of healthy living. I can’t wait! There are still a few spots left so if you’re craving lasting transformation join the yoga r-evolution. Check out the 30 Day Yoga Evolution program at Qi Health and Yoga.

What is your positive self identity statement, your sankalpa? 

Do You Know What Stillness Is?

BKS Iyengar focused and still in sayanasana.

We’ve all heard references to “stilling, quieting, clearing or bringing peace to the mind,” and as many times as I’ve heard such phrases only recently did someone challenge me to ask myself how well I really understood what it meant. 

You’d think studying yoga for ten years or sitting in a silent meditation for ten days would provide ample time to grasp this most pervasive idea.  No doubt I’ve FELT a still and peaceful mind in sivasana  or Vipasana meditation, whilst surfing or finding a steady forearm balance, but not until I took an 8 week course on the Yoga Sutras with Michael De Manicor did I intellectually look deeper into what stillness really implies.

The second sutra, perhaps the best known of the Yoga Sutras, is often translated as “Yoga is the cessation of the fluctuations of the mind.” 

In other words, Yoga is stilling the mind.  Influenced by Buddhist philosophy, I, like so many others, took this at face value to mean stopping the mind and thoughts, but De Manicor insists that this is NOT what the sutra means.  Key to his point is realizing that stillness is always relative.  Lets for example look at two people sitting next to each other on an airplane. Relative to each other they are still, but relative to the Earth they are moving hundreds of miles an hour.

As I thought more about this I began to see stillness as synonymous with harmony, cooperation or union (another yoga catch phrase).  When two or more things move in the same direction, at the same rate, toward the same purpose they cooperate or harmonize and generate a sense of stillness between them.  This could apply to people in an airplane, strings on a guitar or thoughts, breath and movement.

When I further applied this idea to myself, or any other individual, I decided that another synonym for stillness was focus (epiphany light bulb: dharana).  I examined the moments when I’d felt a sense of mental stillness and realized that my thoughts didn’t stop but that every part of me was focused on what I was doing; all of my thoughts, movements and breath cooperating and harmonizing.

Dharana or concentration is the 6th of the eight limbs of Ashtanga Yoga as described in Patanjali’s Yoga Sutras. Dharana leads to dhyana (meditation) which then leads to samadhi (mystic absorption, the highest state of consciousness).

Mental stillness therefore does not mean that the mind or thoughts stop, this would perhaps be death or at least serious stagnation, rather it implies we can choose thoughts and actions that an any given moment cooperate, and by working together create a sense of relative stillness.

So lately in asana practice, in my classes and in life I’m viewing struggle or mental clatter in a slightly different light.  I’m asking what thought or action is out of sync with this moment to cause the internal discord, and what thought or action can I replace it with in order to generate harmony and thus lead me closer to a feeling of stillness.